11/16(木)
●目指す医師像
総合内科医
西洋医学的には1〜2剤のみつかう医師
症状には漢方を使用する医師
●今の目標
●本日の新患・診断
・小児虫垂炎
●本日の勤務時間
8時〜18時
●本日行ったこと・見たこと・知ったこと
・ラパアッペ
・GIST勉強会
・PEG講習
●今日うまくいかなかったこと・失敗
●今の気持ち・今後学びたいこと・気づいたこと
・上級医とうまくいっていない。お互いにストレスがたまっている。なぜだめなのか?
バランスが、よくわからない
「基本的なことを知らない、そのくせに細かいこと知っていたりして気に触るときがある」
それは極めて正しい指摘なのだけれど、どうやって対処すればいいのか…
本を読んで勉強しても起こられるし。
先生によって要求すること違うし。
患者を診るのもどこまでやればいいのか、よくわからない。いつの間にか上のほうで事は動いていること多いし。
わからなくて悔しかったとき、つい顔に出してしまう。でもそれが、見ていて気に触ってしまっていともかんじる。でも、どうしようもない…
外科では阿吽の呼吸が大切なのだけれど、そういったものは自分はできないし…。ボールを投げてはくれるけれど、打ち返せなくてストレスたまる…
先生個々人でリズム・方針が違うのだけれど、別々の対応をしていればいいのは理屈ではわかるけれど、顔を使い分けるのは苦手だし。
まあ、外科には向いていないということで、手に入れられるものを手に入れるよう、積み重ねるしかない。
どんどんやらせてくれとお願いするほうが得だし好かれるのだろうけれど、苦手。プライドが高すぎるのか? でも、お願いしてもいいと思うほど、勉強と準備を十分できている気がしないし。
いつ何が振ってくるかわからないから、全部を勉強しておけばいいのだろうけれど、現場なしに本を頭にぶち込むのもしんどいし。
どうしたものか。
●明日の予定
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