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10/18(水)

●今の目標
・リズムを手に入れる

●本日の新患・診断
・胸痛??
・かぜ症候群??
・虫垂炎?
・女性の腹痛。 …神経性の腸症候群??
・虚血性腸炎

●本日の勤務時間
7時半〜22時

●本日行ったこと・見たこと・知ったこと
・胸部X線、心臓の影の動脈のシルエットサインを見逃す。…難しい…。
・PTCD
・外科カンファ

●今日うまくいかなかったこと・失敗
・今日はすぐ上の先生が、大切なことを教えてくださった…。
「先生プライドが高くて、上の先生たちと目線が同じだから、上の先生たちを刺激するんだよ」
…なるほど。まっすぐ受け止めないといけない、大事なことを教えていただいた。確かに、絶対に届かないと思っているひとたちに対しても出てしまうほどのプライドが、いつもあるのかもしれない。それでいろいろうまくいっていない??? どんなリズムを作ればうまくいくのかわからないけれど、じっくり積み重ねてみよう。
・朝のカンファでぼろぼろに…。診断をついている病気、経過を眺める、に意識が飛んでいた。まあ、未来がどうなるのか見えていない病気ばっかりだし手術も手順が見えないからという言い訳はありつつも、確かに、医者として間違えた態度であった。…とはいいつつも今日は限界だし明日も当直だし…。機会をつくらねば。

●今の気持ち・今後学びたいこと・気づいたこと
・救急、どたばたとやりながら診断がんばっていたけれど、家族の不満のオーラを強く感じた。まあ、しかたないやな。どうやっても治せない病気もあるんだけれどな…。

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